Dear Dr. Burger,
Yesterday I finished reading “The Parrot Who Owns Me: The Story of a Relationship” and I feel the need to send you a great big ‘thank you!’
I bought a cockatiel from a man. When I went to see it, it was 10:30 in the morning and the cage was on an unprotected deck in the back of the man’s house. It was winter - cold and rainy in here in the Northwest. The cage was wrapped in several small blankets and then covered with trash bags. The cockatiel was in total darkness and completely alone.
When the man finally, after two or three minutes of undoing clips and bungee cords, I got to see inside the cage it was filthy. Seed shells and dropping were piled up three inches deep in some places and no less than two in others. There was droppings on everything in the cage and the bird itself was filthy with many missing and broken feathers. I bought it to rescue it.
I was told it is a female and since I don’t know how to tell the difference I assume it is. She is a beautiful white with yellow on her crest and bits of yellow, that look like have been air-brushed on, on her breast and tail. My daughter named her Hanna but I’ve taken to calling her Hannukah for no reason that I can figure out - I’m not even Jewish. But it makes me happy.
I was told two things - that she had originally been purchased with a mate who had escaped and that she was bothered by prowling neighborhood cats but “she would warn me” if cats came around.
The first thing I did was to buy a new cage. The old one was broken - doors held shut with clips - and so filthy it wasn’t worth trying to clean. I bought a larger one that had a top that opens and is held open with a dowel so that she could perch on top if she wants to. And I bought all the things I thought she would need - wooden and coconut husk toys for her to chew on, a cuttlebone, mineral beak honer, etc.
When I was transferring Hannukah to her new cage I found blood under her right wing and on her side under her right wing. It was dry, but it was also fairly recent. Examining the junk that was all over the cage I found a piece of metal attached to a clip that had been cut with something and had sharp edges. Apparently Hannukah has impaled herself on it, and fairly recently. The same wing had been clipped so short I wondered if it had been damaged. There wasn’t anything the vet could do but give her antibotics, which I declined. She acted like the wing caused her pain for months and I thought it was never going to feather out but she is finally fully feathered and no longer acts as if it hurts her. I am sooooo happy.
I didn’t know how to care for a cockatiel. I read the book the man I had purchased Hannukah from had given me, borrowed a couple of more books from the library and did some reading online. I did do two things right to start that I am pleased about. I discovered Hannukah loves fresh broccoli and must have eaten and torn up pounds of it before she finally had all she wanted. I was wondering why she has stopped eating it. I thought it might be because she had enough she was tired of it, but after reading your book I now understand about seasonal availability. Currently she is chowing down on organic baby greens.
Something else I did right when she first came home is that I realized how desperately lonely she was and decided to take an entire day to tame her enough so I could at least get her on a hand-held perch and interact with her some without her panicking. That entailed being bitten badly enough I bled, but, trying to follow whatever instincts I might have, I didn’t stop to clean up the wound but continued to work with her. She tried to bite me a couple of more times - just “go away” nips and got a taste of my blood. Something about that made her decide to stop biting and she has never bitten me hard again. I don’t know if the way I handled it was at all proper, but I have been glad of the results.
Since then I’ve made some mistakes that were obvious to me. I got her to sit on my shoulder and she would take out my earring. I thought she was playing so after she had lost two pairs I would just put an earring back in when she pulled it out. After I did that a couple of times she became demoralized and refused to have anything to do with my earring again and eventually refused to even sit on my shoulder. I figured out too late that she had been grooming me and removing the earring had been 'helping’ me. When I kept putting the earring back in she took it as rejection of her loving attention and she became more withdrawn. Nothing I could do would show her I was sorry. I no longer wear earrings trying to convince her I really did appreciate her efforts.
She kept withdrawing more and more and showing obvious signs of loneliness. She would call in a heartbreaking way and even if I talked to her she wasn’t really satisfied. I knew I was doing something wrong - or failing to do something she needed, but I honestly didn’t know what. This is one of the reasons why I have to tell you thank you for writing “The Parrot Who Owns Me.” Your book has given me so much insight into “bird think” that I am able to interact with Hannukah differently - and she is already looking at me differently.
This morning when she started her pitiful, lonely sounding calling I insisted on “grooming” her as much as I was able. I chased her all over her cage to actually touch her and gently slide my fingers over whatever feather was in reach, got a few gentle nips, but I cooed, trilled and tongue clicked at her and bobbed my head in between each time I touched her. More than once she felt my fingers and stopped, held still for a brief second and got a look in her eyes that looked for all the world like hopefulness to me. And now she is eating millet and giving contented little chirps every few seconds. I am trying to be aware and to respond with a chirp of my own, a tongue click or a few words.
I’m not saying the way I’m working with Hannukah will work with any other birds, but this is what is working for Hannukah and the time we’ve had together helped to clue me into my being persistent was the best answer for her. Tiko, on the other hand, probably would have made me go for stitches and then hated me forever if I had tried this with him - lol! I don’t know if that is that difference between male and female birds, cockatiels and other parrots, or just Hannukah’s personality. But the constant references in your book to the companionship and bonding needs of parrots let me know that she was never going to be happy if we didn’t bond on some level and this is what worked getting her to the first stage of letting me be in her life. Thank you for helping me understand her needs in this area so much better.
Also, thanks to your book, I understand better how parrots need to reestablish relationship bonds frequently during the day. The pet store has a sign saying that cockatiels need at least one hour of interaction a day. And one of the books I read did mention about eye contact and talking to a parrot periodically, but I just didn’t realize how vital it is to a relationship with Hannukah. I now know, because of your book, how much she needs me to do this, and now I am more aware, more able to interpret Hannukah’s ‘I need to reconnect’ signals.
I have put a kitchen timer beside the computer (where I spend most of my day) and I am setting it for one hour with the intention of stopping and interacting with her every hour even if all I do is walk to her and tongue click a little and tell her how beautiful she is. This is in addition to my attempts to respond to all her calls.
Right now she giving soft little inquiring-sounding chirps and when I look up she is watching me carefully as if to see if I am going to respond and if she can trust me to respond. I am embarrassed to admit she has been calling all along and I’ve pretty much ignored her unless she got very loud and insistent. I honestly didn’t know that she needed me to respond as frequently as she does. I know better now. Thank you.
Something else I am grateful to your book for is the understanding of how much parrots need wood to tear up and even eat. I have provided her with wooden toys for this purpose, but once I realized what a huge part of a parrot’s life chewing up wood is, and how much Tiko likes applewood, I’ve added some things for her. I’ve added some bits of applewood I bought at the pet store and I put a wicker basket (safe, not chemically treated, painted, dyed or anything) on one of her play areas. It took her about 24 hours but now she is enjoying working on it when she isn’t busy with something else.
There is a lot more I owe you thanks for as far as my relationship with Hannukah is concerned, but I’ve already written you such a long letter I’m feeling guilty. So want to close by thanking you for everything you have done and all you are doing to for birds, wild and kept, and the environment. I want very much for your influence and effectiveness to continue to increase. It’s good for all of us.
I hope life is treating you well.
Sincerely,
